You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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