Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
