just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I look better un-naked...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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