Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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