i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
