I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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