your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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