i need an iv and a liver transplant
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
