I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
