Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
