I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
