Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
