who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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