You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
