I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
