i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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