I wish my penis had an off switch
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
