I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
