Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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