i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
