he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
do herpes really smell.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
