My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
