my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
