so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
