The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So much rum. So many feels.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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