walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
