i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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