remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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