Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
People in love make me want to vomit
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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