He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
