saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
