who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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