david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
be right there i have to get my cape
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
