did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
