I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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