I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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