I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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