I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
did i walk over a car last night?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Randomize
