So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
