Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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