wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
