come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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