you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
