Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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