I'm laying in your front yard are you home
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
