I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
