So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
