woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
