Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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