Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
