my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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