1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
