i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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