The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
