the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Dear god my vagina.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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