he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
