you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize