You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
