I think I died a long time ago.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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