I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
