Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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